[the sweetest thing]

it was the sweetest thing when you, with tears in your eyes, said, "don't ever walk out of me again." and threw yourself into my arms.

 

i'm so sorry that i've been cruel and heartless.

X5 it is, Donghuwan it is. didn't we agree that you are the boss at home

[一直被人利用着]

我乐此不疲地被无数人这么无情地利用着

这个圣诞节只有你一个人给了我节日的祝福

才发现原来所有其他人都是在自己不开心的时候要我陪他们聊天，逛街

这群人！

fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me

[我假装不爱你,所以你要假装很幸福]

曾经以为我什么都不在乎，
原来当爱情走的时候，每个人都一样……
我问过，没有我，你习惯吗？
某人只是淡淡的说，这和习惯无关……
当爱情变成一种习惯的时候，任性就不再愚蠢了，骄傲就有资本了，也许爱的惯性就会延续了……

以前你的生日很特别。
我要特别记得。
现在你的生日更特别。
我得特别去忘掉。
我要你来，你就会来。
我要你走，你就会走。
你说我控制你。
你来了，我很高兴。
你不来，我就担心。
现在你走了，我心痛至极。
你说，谁控制谁？
有很多事是难以用文字形容的。

比如说爱的快乐。 　　
比如说失去的痛苦…… 　　 　　
失去你之后。 　　
我首先痛苦。 　　
再来无奈。 　　
最后成长。

我没有很想你，真的没有。
我只是在走到某个路口的时候才会想起你，
我只是看碟看到一半的时候才会想起你，
我只是听歌听到一半的时候才会想起你，
我真的没有很想你，
我只是在我不想想你的时候想起你。
这样真好，
我没有很想你，
我没有想你想到发疯，
我只是想你到眼睛潮湿。
我去睡觉，
睡不着，
看杂志，
翻书的时候又想起你，
睡不着，
我摇头要赶走你的影子，
可是它印在了杂志上，
所以我把杂志扔掉。
我关上灯，
你的样子在黑暗中是那么的明晰，
所以我把灯打来。
我没有很想你，
只是在睡不着的时候想你，
只是我不知道是睡不着想你，
还是想你而睡不着。
我不要很想你，
我没有很想你，
即使想你，也没到很想你的程度，
在时间面前我们什么都没有留下。

时间这样用来浪费，我不心疼，
不想你的时候他们变的一片空白，
想你的时候我快乐。
不想你的时候我寂寞，
快乐不会多一点，回忆在机械的重复， 寂寞总会浓一些，不想你的时间只好越来越少。　
我没有很想你，我只是在我高兴的时候想起你， 在我不高兴的时候想起你。 给我回忆的人不会被回忆欺骗， 回忆里的人才会被它欺骗。
情人心里的天平，砝码细微如发丝，
你笑了，我的天晴了， 你沉默了，我的心灰了。
我捕捉你的任何眼神，判断你是否还如以前一般热情，
我收集你的所有短信，衡量你是否还如以前一般眷恋，

亲爱的，
我在做这些无聊而有趣的事情，
穿着宽大的衣服光脚在屋子里一一细数，
然后等着终于有一天答案告诉我可以停止这些那些。
我没有很想你，
好吧，我想你，
但只是想你而不打扰你！
我假装不爱你,所以你要假装很幸福

[it's not too late]

今天的马拉松
从未有过的疲劳
拖着抽筋的腿（和屁股x.X)跟在周密后面跑了最后的10公里
俊波叫我一路照顾她
而她又想一个人跑
我也只好放慢脚步，谎称跑不动了
一直跟在她后面跑

觉得我在生命里经常充当guardian angel的角色
当初告诉过慧显
我只在你生命里出现很短的时间
照顾你，关心你
但我很快会离开
她让我一直陪在她身边
但最后我还是默默地飞走了

曾经想陪潇潇一辈子
但也还是被现实无情地隔开
是因为上次的感情纠结

真的不能让上一段感情在我的下一段里有任何影响
下一段？
想想就可笑
算了吧
就这样吧
一个人不能活吗？

暗恋着罗莎过这四年不可以吗？
就像过去的四年暗恋着潇潇一样
会过去的

[懒]

生活里发生了很多事情
但都懒得记录下来
并不是因为他们不精彩
而是因为我发现每件事情都是另一件的起因
我想看到最后的结果
但往往永远看不到

明天是个值得记住的日子

[hurt the most]

you made the biggest mistake deleting me from your contact
you were saying about doing things like a grown-up
is it how you deal with it?
this is the time you hurt me the most

[这夜,选择适度怀念]

深呼吸 空气里 有我们 爱情的味道 可你闻不到……

[Congratulations]

i really gotta say "Congratulations!!!" to my dear dear dawen!
you earned it, you deserved it!
i know i was really helping you along, revising your cv and essay
but eventually it's your qualification that landed you there
75k starting pay huh? i wonder if i should transfer to UK or become a corporate lawyer too

it was really sweet and flattering that you thought of me as the one who kept you company
but i do take some credit for it =p
coz i'm such a sweet guy right?
i always remember you saying that

i was also thinking about specialising in maritime law
all the admiralty jurisdiction and norwegian maritime code kinda turn me on
but still i've gotta see where my ship is sailing
and i do have a good feeling about my future

next year christmas, that's right! see you in london! can't wait!

[stop pushing me]

如果有人违心的说话，故意想忽略你，故意想气你。我上当生了她的气，那岂不是太容易被别人操纵了？至少我知道我心里的感受，我不会去故意把过去贬得一文不值。至少我看来，这样假装自己成熟地遗忘了一切的做法并不洒脱，反而很幼稚。

其实我会针对这件事写这么多也很幼稚，但我要说出来。我从不诋毁任何曾经对我重要过，我珍惜过的东西。我说过我不拿我的标准去看别人，所以你如果觉得这样很爽，就请继续吧。

还有，别再去烦我的家人。他们对你好是对我的朋友有礼貌。请你不要得寸进尺。

我希望你明白我从不愿失去任何一个朋友，但我也不是那种不能失去任何人的人。我是针对这件事，不是针对人。

我的blog其他的regular viewer，对不起让你们看到我的这一面。

[挺好的]

被xx新的校内图片雷得半死
决定来写篇blog压压惊

这几天一直为了避免熬夜的坏习惯
于是就玩通宵
都是早上吃过早饭才睡

说实话觉得最近考得都不好
尤其是今天的海事
其实有的时候觉得应该不要再跟sj彻夜聊天
对她的复习也不好
可偏偏跟她这么聊得来
也很矛盾

最近整天看我爸上skype
所以也就经常跟他聊聊
他这小子竟然在办公室里也装上麦克和摄像头
挺雷人的
真不知道他的下属怎么看他
难道是因为已经觉得自己没法再往上爬了
所以就不拘小节了

买的新电脑一直没有好好的setup
今天决定把音乐和照片都考过来
才发觉有些照片真的让我很舍不得
但是为了我自己好
还是不要放进新的电脑了
也不应该再想起了
其实我的新生活挺好的

等考完试，还有无数的事情要做
尤其是那个asian investment summit
很多的事情已经延误了很久了
这次真的就让我玩一次大的
玩一次猛的
我就不信我一定就只能小打小闹得玩
像个成年人一样弄点真格的吧

明年7月在机场见，在swissotel见，在suntec见！

[paris]

bought 2 copies of the latest Mayday CD's
been listening almost exclusively to their songs lately
just because she likes them
well, i have to say they are not bad at all

one copy is for her Xmas present
well, gotta give her before she goes back
and go get two tickets for the concert next Jan
4/1/2009, singapore indoor stadium
a place where i'll again change someone's life

mapped out the route to take
gonna plan something extra for her
like a romantic dinner or a surprise gift
how about a drive down east coast
i bet anyone who lived in DHSH before likes the sea breeze there
but for now, don't get too agitated
study and learn that damn french well during the holidays
"don't you have your honeymoon in paris?"
"oui, ma lune de miel sera très romantique et doux~~"
(or is it, just like what those guys said, too early to start getting ready for my honeymoon?)

i know no matter who that lucky lady is
it's gonna be paris
definitely paris
despite its funny pronunciation in french

[every bit]

moods are temporary, our dream is constant..

thanks baby..

[her voice again..]

i called her.. i knew i shouldn't, but i still did..
i can't blame anyone.. i chose to be in that position..
she asked me, "do you still like me?"
i was equivocating.. but i couldn't lie to myself..
the big "yes" in my heart just tore all the past wounds right open,
blood oozing out and all the memories flushing back..
she said "you are the only person who could understand me now."
her singing is mesmerizing as ever.. i could imagine for how long she hasn't sung her favourite Chinese songs.. the only difference is, now, she never wanted to listen to my singing anymore.. i had the lyrics in front of me, but unlike the old sweet days, i'm only a listener now..

her first snow..
she went jogging and studied with her R "[u r making me feel happy]"
why should i still bother?
let it go..

[总是有失望］

妈的，连顿散伙饭都没吃。。
LS说的那个女孩不是PRC，但确实是得了脑瘤。。
复习复习！
为什么静不下来？
ZXX一切都会好起来的。
被GDW给吓着了，如果她真的来了新加坡……
不想了，没人在乎你怎么想……
睡觉！

[游荡……] by a girl friend

现实与幻想之间那一条直线式的短暂的路径

就是我总在游荡的小路

我们谁都没法逃避现实

即便进入幻想

也总是被梦魇恐惧的再次回到真实

我游游走走

我吃吃喝喝

我逛逛买买

我拍拍照照

……

其实做一个庸俗的没有头脑的女子何尝不是一桩美事

正像某些天天宣称幸福整日爱呀爱呀的小女人们那样

我就奇怪了

怎么就天天幸福了

这世上没有什么值得大喜大悲

于是我不可能突然泪眼汪汪热情洋溢的大呼我很幸福

事实是

长久的麻木使我根本不了解幸福的含义

那么

就不要了解

我总是一贯独立的思考和行事

一贯的逃离和迷失

然而

必须承认

我不能够脱离社会符号而找回完美的“理想我”

这是所谓的人类终极理想

其实

也就是梦幻

[taking by a nursary rhyme]

been helping out juniors to revise their uni application essays
glad to know i could help
but sad to realize i was really one of them a year ago
had my big dream and hope
and look at me now

feel sorry for myself

[Gotta Have You]

Gray, quiet and tired and mean
Picking at a worried seam
try to make you mad at me over the phone.
Red eyes and fire and signs
I'm taken by a nursery rhyme
I want to make a ray of sunshine and never leave home

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No, nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you.

The road gets cold, there's no spring in the middle this year
I'm the new chicken clucking open hearts and ears
Oh, such a prima donna, sorry for myself
But green, it is also summer
And I won't be warm till I'm lying in your arms

I see it all through a telescope: guitar, suitcase, and a warm coat
Lying in the back of the blue boat, humming a tune...




nothing else will do.. really.. say i am you.. say you are coming home with me..

[Antarctica]

Left behind everything I knew
All the colors but bone-white and sky-blue
Hit the continent running
Engines were humming just to break through

Antarctica, my only living relative
Antarctica, I can't wait anymore

Under ice there's a world moving slow
Carnelian stars and the bars down below
Serve only vodka and gin
I try to stay drunk so nobody knows

Antarctica, my only living relative
Antarctica, I can't wait anymore
I can't wait anymore

And then there's morning
Each one feels like the first one
Ah, morning, so clean, so pure
Nothing so clear, now that I'm here

When I get back to the city
Everything's cluttered and pretty
I won't regret my return
I'll just remember the wind and the snow
And the howling so loud
That it alone drowns out the inside of me

Antarctica, my only living relative
Antarctica, I can't wait anymore
I can't wait anymore
I can't wait anymore


breaking through.. escaping.. to a whole new world!

intersection

i'm standing at an intersection
i know i should go straight ahead
but something seems to hold me back
she told me, "it's because you haven't found a better alternative."
i knew it was because i cared too much

she said "you are always special to me."
"always have and always will."
thanks and you are too

but why it still pains me to see her not doing so well
just the friend thing?
i don't think so

seems nathan is spending a night with my honey
i feel a bit weird to say anything
she smsed me about the first snow
made a deal to spend the next year's christmas together
a kiss and a hug

that would be a wonderful day
i knew i had some wonderful days too
intersection! intersection!
i'll keep this promise

why should i be dismayed?

you are really moving on already, and i'm actually glad that you can be happy again, whether you will be fine or not is now really not my problem anymore and i hope you know i'm grateful for all that you have given me.

but everything's changing, why should i dwell on the past. i mean there is this girl who really understands me and cares about me. i was still trapped in some "promise" i gave you. when we are over, everything's over, all the promise void.

the freedom is the last gift you have given me, and it's also the most precious one. you will be fine and i will too, in our own ways.

it can be good again.. sanctify me again..

start to be hysteric.. it can be good again..

不痛了

心已经碎了，所以不痛了。
种种迹象表明我们都做了正确的选择。只是毕竟放手还是有点令人难过，不过很快我们不都各自过上新的生活了吗？这样真的就是最好的。你留下的只有美好的回忆，你说回忆让人变得脆弱，那是你还不够坚强。你再也不能把属于我的幸福没收了。还有那段回忆，i will guard it forever, don't ever think of letting me give it up.

power through!

if i somehow die at this very moment, i won't regret it at all, coz my life is really at its bottom.. with so much work to do and no one really trying a bit to understand you, everyone's pushing everyone else, the uni is like hell.

slept for 6 hours for the past two days and been coughing so badly. but apparently now i start not to give a damn about my health any more. is it just me? i don't think so, everyone around me is the same. coming back from canteen A, and at 1:30am, it's still crowded with groups discussing projects, business as usual 24/7 at ntu.

i have to say i hate it here, but i know the change it's gonna have upon me will be valuable. now i understand when one is really lonely and tired, he can't rely on anything other than himself, and now, i'll stop complaining, and brave the days to come!

it's really quite something for a taurus and a sagittarian to be together for half a year.. such an achievement

真正的爱情是一道美丽的风景

有一种爱叫放手，
有一种爱“挂着泪珠”但很凄美
有一种爱“叫放手”放手不是放弃爱你
每当夜晚来临的时候，思念就 像潮水般涌向自己；当一切成了过眼云烟当一切改变了模样我是否还记得曾经的泪曾经的笑曾经的爱怜是否要忘记过去的吻过去的心如果不是你的出现，就不会有我 现在的失意如果不是你在我脸上留下你的吻我不会日日夜夜为你牵挂如果...如果...如果没有如果...习惯了一个的寂寞，在空荡荡的房间里找寻可以蜷缩 的角落，任由泪水滴落，你放手以后，我就这样孤单的过着每一天……发现我还是那样想你，那样的爱着你……有人说失去的爱不会在回来，可我总是幻想着会有奇 迹出现，我知道自己没这份洒脱，我放不下的！放不下对你的爱。真的！我的心只有你！！虽然我已远离你，我依然无时无刻都在想着你。想到我无法入睡，看着镜 子里的脸，憔悴却挂着眼泪，分明痛了又忍不住笑了。我试着摇啊晃啊一整夜，以为将自己弄得很累，老天就不会让出现在我的脑海......我想你的每一天。 强过在人间的一万年。
那些过往的回忆，就像是闪烁的玻璃碎片，在昏暗的角落里闪烁着光芒，用其独有的魅力吸引着我，让我不能舍弃。可我何尝不想把 爱放开，可是就是过了那么久，梦看见的那个依然是你.....总以为对你感情已经走远，但始终停留在原点。让我终于明白思念一个是什么样的滋味，手机总是 拿在手里，一遍又一遍地拨着那几个阿拉伯数字，却永远没有勇气拨出去。思念一个人的滋味，一个凝视一个微笑一个轻吻，便让你觉得所有的付出都无怨无悔 ~~~咸咸的眼泪会在不知不觉中流下----松开你的手让你走
没有人会知道我的感受
若有一天你会发现
我在这里等候
分手才是永恒
你能感受到我的无奈吗？如同我无法感受你的无奈一样的心痛？
既然无法摆脱前世的定数，今生的束缚，为何，为何要让我们相遇？
可如果不能相遇，那我的今生将如何走下去?
相遇是一种折磨，不遇却是一种生不如死的痛楚。
常常的想起你可你却不在我身边，
我真希望能够忘记所有和你在一起的日子
或者你能回到我的身边
可我知道那是不可的事
每一次我为你流泪的时候
不知道你是不是在想我...
我选择了离开，你选择了放手，我们所谓的爱就这样逝去...
如果不让我知道真相，我想，至少我还能在回忆里觅得一些安慰。可惜...爱一旦擦肩，咫尺即成天涯。
有一种感觉总在失眠时，才承认是“相思”有一种缘分总在梦醒后，才相信是“永恒”，有一种目光总在分手时，才看见是“眷恋”，有一种心情总在离别后，才明白是“失落”我此时真的好想你在我身边。
忘不了，仍是忘不了
明知不可以
但我仍是念念不忘......
以后那么多的悲伤那么多的凄凉
只有我一个抵挡
再也没有方向出没有幻想
但愿忘记那忧伤忘记这迷惘
忘记曾许下的愿望
可是谁又了解事过境迁
我忘不了掉曾爱的你
永恒的伤...
忘不掉忘不掉的你...
如果真爱，是一种享受，心累也是享受
如果真爱，是一种体会，心碎也是美丽----
如果分手了，为什么还总是在熟悉的地点熟悉的音乐声中不自觉地想起你？
如果分手了，为什么一个人可洒脱的离开而另一个却要默默地哭泣？
如果分手了，为什么还要怀着悲伤的心情幻想他的回心转意？
如果分手了，就应该让他们统统都过去。
在时间的轮回里，我已被重重的定格
爱一个人没有任何理由，忘记一个人却需要很多理由！
爱由一个微笑开始，用一个吻来成长，用一滴泪去结束。用一生去想念......
现在我明白了，一个有时可以不感到孤单，可是想念一个人时却一定会感到孤单...
如果真爱，是一种幸福，心痛也是幸福
真正懂得爱情，，也要真正的去理解爱情。。。
如果是真正的爱情，，那么，，无论它是欢乐还是悲伤，，
那么它终究是一道美丽的风景。。。

sorry sweety, it's really my fault.. i'm not strong enough to deal with the stress. i need time to strengthen myself. in full speed, in recovery..

AH~~~~~~~~~
SYSTEM CRASHING!!!
BURNING MYSELF WITH CIGARETTE AND SMILING
PULLING MY HAIR OUT
NOT ANSWERING ANY CALL
NOT SUBMITTING A SINGLE ASSIGNMENT
ONE-LETTER DOWNGRADE? FAIL ME STRAIGHT-AWAY!!!
I'M SUCH A FAILURE ALREADY

DAMN DAMN.. WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME???
I'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT NICE TO HER
WHY PUNISH ME LIKE THIS? WHY??????

going crazy crazy CRAZY!!!!
I KNOW I SHOULDN'T
BUT I START TO HATE YOU FOR DOING THIS TO ME!!!

心痛得要死！